When we parted I thought my heart had stopped beating. I felt a stirring undercurrent of shame, doubt, failure, and fear. Fear for being pushed aside, fear for abandonment, fear for standing alone, fear for security. Each day became a grueling reminder of the present and the lack of future for us. I heard a voice inside me cry out in anguish and knew for certain I would never walk away from this unscathed. Because for once in my life I realized that my most prized possession had fled and was never truly mine at all. I became unwound through the mourning of us. The mourning of several years in the making, countless nights cherished now shared with remnants of the guttural pain inching in my stomach every time I say your name. How did we get here? You have changed me. You have marked me. You have hurt me. But yet I am alive and still without you by my side I won't just rise but this time I'll make sure to thrive. Because I can.
